I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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