I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
