ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
