I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I cockslap morals
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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