i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
