What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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