WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
