I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
