Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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