your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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