home. puking in laundry basket.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
