I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
