Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
