dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
