shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
