Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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