he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
