There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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