Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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