I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
