fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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