so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
