You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
