i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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