Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
