Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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