If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
