Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
