Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
