Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
