...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
