i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
