she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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