I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
