Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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