Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
