found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
