I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
