I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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