And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
