I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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