Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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