I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
