Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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