The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
