Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
