just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
