I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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