Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
