She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
