yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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