The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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