smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
