I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
