she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
