Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
