Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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