I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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