By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
