I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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