I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize