My nipple is on Facebook.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
