the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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