xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
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