Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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