All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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