Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
