Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Buhtt sex?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
