just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
be right there i have to get my cape
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
