I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
