I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
