Banned from zoo.
Again?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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