I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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