But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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