Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
