Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
