I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
